We all have dark and light inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That is who we really are.
J.K. Rowling
There is good and bad in each of us, but if we do not come to terms with our struggles, we start believing something is wrong with ourselves. We begin to believe that we are flawed and not good enough, and perhaps worse, start acting on these beliefs. By learning how the mind works I am coming to terms with my struggles.
Why am I Writing This?
Recently the company where I was working for shut down. Without the routines and disciplines of work and feeling financially vulnerable, I slid into a funk. I was half heartedly and not very effectively following the advise of experts in these situations. Such as: establishing daily and weekly routines including wake up and sleep times, as well as allocations of time for exercise, job search, volunteering, seeing friends and family, pursuing hobbies and interests, etc.
Heading into four weeks and still in this funk, I began to wonder if this is a life change event. I thought about a “reinvention of myself” exercise I had done in the past and decided to reevaluate it. So with this funk still damping my enthusiasm, I set off. I re-looked at my strengths and weaknesses, passions and dislikes and purpose. With this insight I am reimagining myself in the future, and envisioning what to work on in my life to get there.
The very astute career counsellor I was working with on my prior reinvention exercise observed a pattern of making rash decisions when accepting job offers. I have come to realise this rash decision making behaviour is much bigger than job offers. It has to do with the majority of important decisions I make.
Teasing out the characteristics of these rash decisions, I found the following: They are different to impulsive or poor knee-jerk decisions. I do consider the pros and cons of prior to making these rash decisions. They have a sense of throwing caution to the wind. They are a case of “Let’s walk this path and see what happens.” I do this without accounting for what I will be risking, changing and/or giving up. If I do consider the downside consequences, I tend to deprecate their risk, value and importance. There is much rationalisation rhetoric about being risk adverse, reinvention, and that I will be plagued by “What if”.
This exploration of self discovery about how the mind works has rejuvenated my spirit. I am learning more about self-sabotage and our sense of purpose. Going down the path of understanding how we respond to our feelings and emotions, I am learning how that drives behaviour. I realise that self-worth, self-esteem, self-concept and self-image are at the core of how we perceive ourselves. That our basic needs, perceptions and expectations further drive behaviour and influences the choices and decisions we make. Ultimately, I am learning that equanimity comes from a place where we notice our experiences, thoughts and emotions. We become more comfortable with ourselves by noticing whats going on instead of getting wrapped up in it.
Here, I present what am learning in a more orderly way than the haphazard path of my discovery. The practice of orderly writing clarifies and reinforces my learning. I share this in the spirit that it may inspire and help others on their journey. I list sources. In addition to those quoted I give credit to those who inspired and guided me to a better understanding.